1. DANIEL vs. THE SYSTEM
Excuse me. Room 573 C, please? - Let's see...
When you mention A-level taxing and B-level taxing...
You've already lost me. My mind just goes black -
- and I don't want to live anymore.
That sounds... Not quite normal.
According to us, you've earned only 7 dollars for the past 4 years.
The entire period. - Hold on, hold on...
What are we talking about: A- level or B-level taxing?
It depends on how you earned those 7 dollars.
I can't recall... Once, I had one of those temporary jobs.
Where?
In the North-West area, I think. But I'm not quite sure...
It was early and I was there only for like half an hour.
For crying out loud, Daniel...
How do you explain a total lack of income for the past 4 years?
I dated a supermodel for a while and she was loaded.
That piece of information won't help your current situation.
You have two weeks to get a job, set up a bank account...
And start paying your debts.
Impossible, I can't have my ID number lying around.
Because they'll take away all my money.
Who are "they"? - Everybody...
The post service, the railways, parking people, the tax office...
They're all just waiting in line.
Jan, come down for a sec.
Let's just get this straight... I owe 7 dollars, right?
No...
You've earned 7 dollars.
That's more like it. What the hell are you doing?
The arrow said no left turns. - Really?
I took it the other way around but I'm kind of dyslexic anyway.
Here name is Josephine. - J-O-S-E-F...
No, it's -PH, not -F. - Joseph Hine?
Actually, it's Jose-PH-ine. - What's the -H doing there?
That's just her name. - Okay, I'll take care of it.
You're sure about this: Josep-hine - Josephine?
You'll do a proper job, I mean... No mumbo jumbo, right?
None whatsoever.
Hi.
This car is illegally parked. You know that, don't you?
Be a good boy and move it or else you get a ticket.
You have every right to give me a ticket.
Just move it and we won't bother. - Just give me the ticket...
It should teach us a lesson.
If you insist. - Yes, please.
Great, thanks. Have a nice day. - Thank you, too. Bye, bye.
You got one of these. - Jesus Christ, Grandpa!
You were supposed to wait in the car -
- to prevent shit like this from happening.
These were two civil psychopaths. They were on amphetamines!
I swear!
2. HALLUCINATIONS
What can I get you?
One Wednesday's Donut... - It's Monday.
One Monday's Donut, then. - It doesn't exist.
That's the whole point, Daniel. Wednesday is a special day...
Because on that particular day, they have the Wednesday Donut.
They don't have Donuts for the rest of the week?
Yes, but it's a normal Donut. - Two of those, then!
And a chocolate milk and a raspberry pie.
Also raspberry pie? - Yes.
How about a fiber bun? - What?
How about a fiber bun instead of a raspberry pie?
What's wrong with a pie? Even on a Monday, they must have...
It just doesn't look impressive if the cute bakery girl is at work -
- and I walk into the bakery and start buying sweets.
I didn't know you were planning to score the bakery girl.
Go buy the fiber bun so you and her can go waltzing -
- out of the bakery hand in hand and...
Buy your pastry yourself! - I'm broke.
Why do I have to pay for everything and listen to your shit?
Why are we even friends? - Relax. No existential crisis.
Don't slam the...
I love you.
What the...?
Where the fuck are you going?
Morning.
Can you spare me a few coins until tomorrow?
I'll have two Donuts, then... and a raspberry pie.
No, don't crawl away...
Are you stoned?
Do you have white bread? I'll have half a loaf -
- if it isn't to dry. And...
Don't tell me to shut up...
Maybe she just can't tolerate the bright lights in your bakery.
You're pushing it, young man...!
You're going way too fast.
I can't go any slower. What's up, Daniel?
Hi, Skuli.
Can I tempt you with a croissant? - No, thanks.
What are you doing in my trailer? - My trailer? My trailer, Daniel?
You rent it out to me, don't you? - That's our problem in a nutshell.
I like artists, Daniel. That's not the problem.
I enjoy culture just as much as the next guy.
But I'm not the Arts Council.
You have to clean up your act because this is going nowhere.
Shall we say Monday and call it a deadline, eh?
That's settled, then.
3. GUINEA PIGS
My condition isn't normal. - No, that's obvious.
Not at home and not at work.
My wife has been very patient but everything has its limits.
I suggest a nocturnal monitoring. - How does it work?
A nocturnal monitoring is a polysomnography.
You sleep at the clinic and we record 15 different activities:
Everything from snoring to brain wave activity and...
Other sleep related events. - Brain activity, eh?
Precisely. That way we can see how much you sleep.
Excellent, I suggest that you go over to Grandpa and get started.
Grandpa? - Yes, that's what we call him.
Put this little hat on, it holds everything together.
Hold your head still.
Hi, Tejs. - Hi, Grandpa.
How are you doing? - I'm OK.
I'm fine too, since you asked. - Excuse me?
I thought you asked how I was doing. - No, I didn't.
I apologize. - That's alright.
It won't happen again, I promise.
You look kind of cheerful... - That's because I am cheerful.
Everything is going my way. - You got laid, or what?
Are you a referee now?
Yes, in theory. I've just passed the theory exam and...
Received the official folder of The Danish Soccer Federation.
Wow, cool.
Now I only have to pass the practical exam.
My theory-teacher worships me.
He says that I've got all the right ingredients.
And what's that? - Highly developed moral strength...
The ability to tell right from wrong, in a split second.
Now all I need is authority...
The ability to deal with intense situations and verbal abuse.
What about physical condition? - I must be in shape, alright.
But as my teacher says:
"Good physical condition is total condition".
I would just like to introduce you to the new guinea pigs.
They come all the way from Norway. - Greetings!
They're participating in our new sleep research project.
You are in good hands with these two guys.
They will make sure that all goes smoothly and painlessly.
You will be accommodated soon and Grandpa will make sure -
- that everything goes according to plan. Right, Grandpa?
Grandpa? - That's what we call him.
His real name is...
What is your real name? - Roger.
Out here and to the right. - Come, we don't have all day!
Come on, Daniel.
You're offside! - I'm not offside!
The linesman had his flag up so stop acting like an idiot.
Free kick!
I thought that I was offside? - No, you get a free kick.
Take it over here.
Why can't we just play football... - Don't be a spoil sport.
It's football. Fun. Fairplay. - No fun playing on your own.
Shut up.
What now... Free kick? - An indirect free kick.
You must pass the ball. - To whom?
He's standing over there. Over there, God damnit!
No, it's a direct free kick. - No, it's indirect...!
A double red card to you and he gets a yellow card!
Where are you going?
It's not allowed to leave the field before I blow the whistle.
Just a little pause.
I can't both play the match and judge it.
Blow the final whistle, then. You have to practice that, too.
4. TACTICS
Is something wrong? - No, nothing in particular.
Come on, you can tell Grandpa.
Do you remember that girl in the bakery?
Do I remember her? Of course I do.
Daniel, she's mine! - What are you talking about?
Did you touch the Bakery Girl? - No...
Unbelievable! You've scored her! - I never...
I was there first. - You were there first?
I planted the seeds, then you come along and steal the harvest.
You ran away. Girls don't fall for that.
Are you criticizing my tactics? They may not be mainstream but...
I still deserve the same respect as anybody else.
She told me that she loved me.
She did? Well, she was on drugs. Psychedelic mushrooms, Grandpa.
She was on drugs? - Yeah.
This is too humiliating... - Take it easy. Nothing happened.
She got ill, I drove her home. That's it, end of glory.
You promise? - Of course. What else...
Ok, I believe you. By the way, it's end of story, not glory.
I hope we're speaking of the same thing.
Can I help you?
Excuse me, how do you run the shifts in this bakery?
Run the shifts? - Yes...
How do you divide the shifts, you and the other girl?
What are you talking about? - Just forget about it.
Keep the flowers.
Hi.
Oh, God. Hi. Aren't you... Jakob?
I don't think we've met before.
Are you sure about that? - I think so.
Well, how can I help you?
Isn't there supposed to be a girl living here?
Am I too old for you? - No, no. On the contrary.
I just thought that an even younger woman lived here too.
You mean Franc? - No. A girl. A she.
It must be Franc. She's in the shower.
Do you want to wait inside? - Maybe I'll just drop by later.
Why, are you afraid of me? - No, no. On the contrary.
Would you like a soda? - No, thanks. I'm driving.
It has alcohol in it... Rum.
Oh my.
Hi, there. - Hi.
Mom, could you please... - Could I please...?
Disappear.
Come.
Sorry about mom, she's a bit...
Thanks for the help the other day. - My pleasure.
Usually, I'm not on mushrooms when I'm working.
It was just a little accident.
I forgot something upstairs. - Mom, not now.
I thought we would never see each other again.
You left just like that. - Sorry, I wasn't sure if I...
...what I...
You forgot this in my car, so I thought I might...
Thanks.
What's your name again? - Daniel.
My name is Franc. - That's... A lovely name.
My real name is Francesca but it just sounds so dramatic...
This is me...
Mass produced. - I see.
Mom, would you please...? - You told me to disappear...
It looks smaller than you. - Smaller?
You look bigger in real life. - Maybe I've put on some weight.
My breasts are one size bigger.
I didn't mean it like that...
5. HOME
Do you want to buy something? - I don't have any money.
It's cheap.
This is my stuff. What's going on? - A flea market.
It's my stuff. Where did you get it? - From my Dad.
And who's your Dad? - He's a landlord.
Is Skuli Malmquist your Dad? - Yeah.
Look, close down the store and give me my stuff back.
Our prices are like cherry tomatoes: Small but firm.
What?
Our prices are like cherry tomatoes: Small but firm.
How much? - Five dollars.
Five Dollars? - I'll take it.
No, wait a sec. There has been a terrible misunderstanding.
What the hell is wrong with you?
Listen, you can't sell my stuff. - I know you and your kind.
And your own daughter... Do you realize how sick that is!
You think that someone else solves all your problems, don't you?
I'm trying to get the money, I've already told you that!
You can't just sell my stuff. It's all I've got!
Listen, Skuli. Give me one week and I'll have the money for you.
All your miserable 70 dollars. - Goodbye, Potato Pie.
Goodbye, I've always hated your lousy little trailer cage.
It's no risk for you, I promise. - I've heard that one before.
Do you want me to sleep in the gutter? On a square?
Is that what you want? - This is not my problem.
Can't you go back to your Dad? - I would have to take the bus.
What have I done to deserve the public transport system?
Daniel, you have a car. - Sleep in the car?
No, drive it to your Dad's. - Impossible, the engine...
Wait two seconds.
Here you go. All set.
Why can't I just sleep here? - I'm logged off, already!
Hi, Dad. - Hi.
Your mail.
Just voice mail... - It's invoice mail. He's dyslexic.
Dyslexic? - Like a bat.
Who are you? - Allan Simonsen.
Allan is my old homeboy.
Your relationship with authorities is quite intense at the momemnt.
What's gonna happen? You won't get a dime out of me.
No, no.
So, what's it gonna be, boy? - I'll figure something out.
That is a perfectly unacceptable answer to my question.
I might contact a model agency It could pay well.
A photo model? - Yeah.
Tell me, Daniel. How low can you go?
Earn a living from your looks? What the hell is that all about?
If you become a model, I get 50% of your income -
- and 50% goes to your mother. Not a dime to you, got it?
What do you mean?
Where did you get your looks from?
From Mommy and Daddy.
I you want to earn a living from your looks, money goes to daddy.
What are you saying?
Allow me?
It's simple. Let's say, Daniel, that you are the color green.
If you want to profit from the fact that you are the color green -
- you can't escape the fact that green is made from red and blue.
It's blue and yellow. - Oh, of course.
So even though you are your own color, you wouldn't exist -
- without these two other colors, blue and yellow.
Which means that you get 33.3% of your salary, blue gets 33.3% -
- and yellow gets 33.3%. Does this make sense?
Listen, could I crash at your place for a couple of days?
It's a little tight, Daniel.
But you have plenty of space. I can sleep in my old room.
I'm renting it out to Allan.
Can I crash on the sofa? It's just for a few days.
It's not a good idea. - Why not?
Listen, we've got a real good vibe going on, right now.
Let's not spoil it.
The kid is nothing but trouble.
This is unbelievable! He's hired a new pair of linesmen.
This is a radical new style, this is a historical match.
Do you give a shit about football? - What are you driving at?
We're watching a match between two major teams -
- and all you care about is the referee!
Everybody can play football. Being a referee, that's tough.
Some of the Norwegians have fallen into heavy drinking.
I don't know what to do.
You wouldn't happen to know anyone who could fill in?
No, unfortunately. No one springs to mind.
If I'd known somebody, I'd try to establish a contact.
But that's not the case here. However, should I meet anyone -
- I'd definitely put in a request.
But then again, what are the chances? - What's the deal?
We need someone to sleep here as part of our research.
I could manage that.
Really? You have to show up regularly and follow a schedule.
I'm not too busy at the moment. - It can also be uncomfortable.
We hook you up with wires all over your body.
What's the salary? - It's fair enough.
What are we talking about? - How much is it?
Less than 15 dollars an hour, taxes not included. It doesn't pay off.
30 dollars and we have a deal. - 30?!
And one more thing: It's under the table, right?
Sorry, the name of the game. - Okay, but no one must know.
It's a deal. - A deal!
It's disgusting to see how your problems just disappear.
You don't lift a finger and SNAP! Someone waltzes into your life -
- with solutions to all your problems on a silver tray.
6. A COMBINATION OF GENES
How about getting ourselves a couple of hookers?
I have other priorities.
Spare me that love-bullshit. You've never slept with a woman.
It's highly recommended. Love is useless before the age of 90.
Well, we seem to disagree on that matter. And for the record...
I have slept with a woman. - But you've never had sex.
That depends on how you define the concept of sex.
Here's the concept: Cock in cunt, cock in mouth, cock...
I have no desire to discuss with you on this level.
Fine, just don't overrate that love crap.
Patience, Tejs. That's the key. Take me, for example.
I don't have a girlfriend because I'm picky.
If I fall in love with a girl, I start thinking:
Is she the mother of my children?
Is this the ultimate combination of genes? How will she age?
Is she going to be a nice old lady or a disgusting old lady?
So, before I can take the first step, I must study her parents.
Is the mother beautiful? - The mother?
Not like that, Tejs! There is a pattern, you see...
By studying the mother you can more or less figure out -
- what the daughter will look like when she's in her mother's age.
You can get it for 70 dollars.
It's a real privilege talking to you, Tejs. I mean, really.
Oh, my...
I'm sorry about that. - That's alright.
I didn't see you coming... - Have I seen you before?
I don't know. - Oh, yes, at the bakery, of course.
Remember? The mushrooms... - Oh, right.
Well, I have to go home and make spaghetti for my mom.
She can't cook. - Me neither.
Are you hungry? - Yeah.
Care to join us? - Oh, no. I didn't mean it like that.
It is quite an impressive uniform you're wearing.
It's the official referee uniform.
I've always had a weak spot for uniforms. Authority...
I like that in a man.
Confidence mixed with a more gentle and poetic side...
Stop acting like a teenager, we're all grown up people.
Aren't we, Grandpa? - Sure.
My mom is a bit...
Well, it's not often that she has a man around the house.
She becomes a bit crazy... - You're a lot like her, right?
Are you saying that I'm crazy? - No, I mean it as a compliment.
To whom?
Anyone up for a soda? - Mom!
Come on, a little soda won't hurt...
Excuse me, where's the bathroom? - Up the stairs and turn left.
Where is Franc? - She had to go.
Thanks for a lovely dinner.
Shall we boil some water?
A good idea.
Tell her, very carefully, that there's no need to be sad.
Tell her to go on living her life just like nothing happened.
And if she asks if something terrible happened...
Tell her that the one she was about to meet left in a panic.
Tell her that he needed more time. And if she starts to cry...
If she starts to cry, then...
Give her a cup of hot chocolate and tell her it's on the house.
Alright. - Here's some money.
Here you go, a cup of hot chocolate from a young man.
Unfortunately, he couldn't make it. - Hold on, man.
I asked you nicely, didn't I? What the hell is your problem?
He told me you couldn't make it. - He's mentally ill.
Is something wrong? - Well...
What is it? - I think I'm coming down with a flu.
How do you feel? - Dizzy, my hearing is not normal...
I feel like I'm inside a bubble. - Ear infection, perhaps?
No, because my stomach hurts too.
What the hell could it be...
Maybe it's the oldest disease in the world.
Tuberculosis? - No...
The most wonderful disease.
Is it gone?
7. CROSSROADS
I better check on Grandpa. - Why? Don't go...
What?
What the hell is going on?
Look, my physical exam is coming up. I've got to be in shape.
How long have you been wearing this?
You're late, Daniel. You don't follow the schedule.
Just because we're friends does not mean...
Go to your room, then. I'll be with you in a sec.
Why?
To help you with the wires. - No, that's not necessary.
I've figured it out. - Are you sure?
Yeah, a hundred percent. Good night. - Sleep tight.
Red card! Get out! You're fired! - Grandpa, aren't you...?
I don't care. Just leave, I have the authority to fire you!
Why are you freaking out? - We had an agreement!
I was there first! Get out! - You were there first...?
It breaks my heart but our ways have parted.
We'll never be friends again. Never... Ever... End of friendship!
Maybe I should wait in the car while you visit your Grandma?
Relax, she'll be delighted to meet you.
It's just that... I'm no good at talking to old people.
Take it easy. She's real sweet.
I don't know what to talk about.
I know nothing about World War Two.
Relax, Daniel. She lives as much in the present as you do.
Grandma?
She's not home. Let's beat it.
Hi, Grandma. - Hello, dear. Nice to see you again.
What are you doing?
Oh, that a sick old tree was growing into the sun.
This is my friend, Daniel. - How do you do, Daniel?
I congradulate. - On what?
So, what do you do? - Me?
I bet you're in the middle of some interesting studies.
No, not really.
I see...
Exciting, very exciting.
I can't find any coffee. - I'll go and get some.
No, you are my guest of honor. - I'll go.
Thank you, thank you. You know your way around here, right?
Nice weather today! - Splendid weather, just splendid.
What happened?
Listen, it wasn't my fault. She just died on the spot.
I don't know what the hell happened. She just...